I am back!!

Ahhh!!!! I'm finally home! Touched down last night and the first thing I did when I got home was have a nice shower before settling in my bed.. Heaven!

*HUGE GRIN!!*

Anyways, been lazing around today, it's Sunday! Having a BBQ with the girls tonight! Gossip sessions to be expected! Can't wait!

Anyways, going out for a while. Will write more after the BBQ!

It's so good to be home!!!

Lollies

I don't know why but I have been whacking lollies like anything else these past few days. A big change from my usual sweet free diet. It could be because they sell my favourite lollies here for half the price compared to back home (the cheapo in me screaming out again). Or it could be because I need the sugar the replenish my energy. Yea, that must be it. I shall believe that.

Anyways, it's almost Saturday, I am almost on my way back home. But I must admit that I will miss my working life here. It's been a short two weeks but everyone has made me feel at home, and all the workers are lovely! One thing I definitely won't miss though is the working hours...

*Sigh*

I think I'm going to stop by the lolly store before heading home on Saturday..

New hair

I coloured my hair over the weekend! Decided to try out the local hairdresser, and I must say that they did do a pretty good job. Although I must admit that I'm not too loving the highlights in my hair, a tad bit too loud if you ask me. But everyone says that I look good, so.. Hmmm..

Final week! Countdown!

My most missed luxury

Blogging is a luxury that I do not have now. In fact I’ve become one of those whiny ajummas who have nothing to do but complain to her neighbourhood friends about how busy she is at the moment. That, sadly, is me.

I empathize with everyone who have been working long hours, and I personally cannot wait to return to the days where I had NORMAL working hours. I am fast becoming a zombie (the panda-black circles around my eyes testify to that fact) and I have never been so technologically deprived!!

*SIGH*

Anyways, I now know when I am going home to civilization as I know it! Home, here I come!!

29th September…

So many more days before I return…

The countdown begins now!

Barely surviving

I've been here a day and I must admit that I miss home terribly. The lack of my own comfortable bed, the snail-paced internet, tacky music and dodgy people have made me realise what a great place home is. I have everything I need and more back home!! Home!! I miss you so!!

Bogoshipda...

I wanna fly back home soon!

Sigh...

I am barely surviving...

Tomorrow

I will be away from home for like maybe a couple of weeks starting tomorrow. Not for a holiday (I wish!) but for work.. Aii.. Not really looking forward to it at all as I have no idea exactly what is in store for me. But the good news is that I'll most probably have some time alone to think things through and hopefully work some stuff out. Taking a break (kinda) is good..

But the worst bit is that I'll be internet deprived after work! Hopefully I'll have lots of time on my hands to surf the net while in the office, although somehow I seriously doubt that..

Oh, how will I survive without my home internet?? What will I do when I can't sleep??

Help!!!

Expect lots of whiny posts when I find the time to teng-teng at work.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Concern- an emotion I am thankful for

A few friends have been expressing their concern over my last post, saying that they can sense an apparent anger in me and asking if they can do anything to make things better for me.

You all already have. Yes, I know I sound angry and somewhat depressed. But I promise you, I won't allow myself to get so bad that I need to be institutionalized. I know that I have all of you to be there for me when things become bad for me. Smiling with me and lending me your helping hands. And guiding me through my darkest paths and into the glowing lights.

And for that, I thank you all. Thank you for showing me your concern and allowing myself to see the slight rays of light in my grey skies.

Thank you.

Living a life of my own

I've been having a bout of stress lately. An opportunity has come up for me, a chance to leave what I've been hating going through and moving forward to something else. A chance that I want to grab but I can't. Why? BECAUSE of family obligations.

I feel obligated as a child to fulfill the dreams, hopes and wishes of my parents. No matter how determined I am to do something else, the moment they send me down the Guilt-laden Road, I cave in to their wishes. For as long as I remember, I have been like this. And I hate being like this. I really do.

I feel as though I am being deprived of living. I am a puppet. A mere existance. Someone that runs when they are told to, sits when they are given a chair. I am lead by strings pulled by my parents. I have no control over whatever happens in my life. None at all.

I wish I had the guts of those characters in dramas, those who stand up against the world fighting for what they believe in. I wish I could do that. And in my make believe world I can. But I still have to wake up to reality.

I remember watching an episode of Ally McBeal, when I was about 15, where she had to defend a client who wanted to be left in a permanant coma because she could lead her perfect life in the land of her dreams. And I remember thinking, I understand what you mean. I really do. At the tender age of 15.

Is wanting to lead my own life such a bad thing? Would I really be labeled an ingrate for wanting to live a life of my own? My parents lead the lives they wanted. So why are they depriving me of that right? They want me to lead the lives that they had wanted for themselves but couldn't have. But what they fail to realise is that is what THEY want. Not what I want. Why is it so hard for them to see that? No matter how I try to reason with them, they still treat me as a child who doesn't know what's best for myself. To them I am a child who insists on having an ice cream even though I have a high fever. That is what I am in their eyes.

I read this book a few days ago, and one of the characters said that it wasn't that he didn't want to cry. But his ran out of liquid tears years ago. He cried and cried so many times that the tears started rolling inwards, forming rocks that hardened his heart against the world.

I am starting to feel that way. I have run out of tears. Now, all I have left is a fort in my heart. I am starting to lose all feeling, my heart being sliced away bit by bit leaving behind an empty void to be filled up by my rock tears.

I am starting to lose myself. I am no longer me. I no longer have dreams and hopes.

What right do I have to want them?

I am, after all, a mere puppet..

Sonmul

Sonmul from my mom:




Love it! Thanks mom for the lovely sonmul!! Although it seems to be more of a guy type watch than a girl type watch.. But who cares! I'll wear it when I'm sporting the jeans, t-shirt and sneakers look (which is practically most of the time anyways..)...

Aiii.. That's what the whole world says when they see me appearing around them.

But it's difficult dressing up all feminine and delicate! It takes hours! Hours I would rather use to sleep!

Uninanimous response to my defense:

Aiii....

Sometimes, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle..

I knew it

It tasted like cardboard. I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!!!

Grrr....

I was sulking the whole day today, something didn't turn out the way I expected so I was in a really bad mood. Holed myself in my room with comfort food (a.k.a KFC) and my favourite Disney cartoon, The Little Mermaid. I fell asleep to Sabastian singing "Under the sea" and woke up when Ariel was given legs by Triton. It made me feel a teeny bit better, I was in a less sulky mood although I was still rather silent till about 5 p.m. Then we went out for dinner and I was happy again!

Plus I had another coffee session and McD's for supper! If that doesn't brighten up one's mood, then I have no idea what will..

The weekdays are coming up soon and it's the first week without Coffee Prince.. *sigh*