If I were a cup

If I were a cup, would I want to be a jug? Then if I were a jug, would I want to be a pot? And if I were a pot, would I then want to be an oven? I don't know. But I have a strong feeling that I would. Because..

I have this really nasty person living inside me, she makes her appearance felt whenever I see something that I don't have or something that I long for but cannot have. And this person has a strong impact on me, once she unleashes her evil on me, I sink to the bottom of the murky lake and stew in misery, self loathing and self pity. The three emotions that I honestly hate feeling for myself, it just makes me feel so weak and useless. But I can't help it, it's the evil being inside me poisoning my system!

How do I get rid of her? I've heard the cliched answer so many times: Be happy with what you have. There are lots of other people worse off than you, so be thankful for everything that you already own and don't go chasing mirages. That, people, is seriously easier said than done! I've tried psyching myself that way, trust me it just DOESN'T work. I honestly believe that it's just human nature to never be satisfied with what one has. Everyone feels that way, I'm sure. Or am I just comforting myself for having the evil being inside me?

I do want what I don't have. And especially now, when I feel like I have yet to accomplish anything worthwhile. It's like I am wasting my youth away, when I should be doing so much more. I don't want to look back when I am like 80 and think "I should have done that when I still had the energy to do so". I don't ever want to be regretful.

Regret, would be the worst emotion to feel. And I hate regret. I hate it. It's such a stupid emotion, so useless. What's the point in regretting?? You should have done something about it when you had the chance instead of just looking back 50 years down the road and thinking, I should have done it this way instead of that. I hate regret. I always have.

I hate hypocrites too. They are the worst people in the world in my dictionary. Honestly.

But now, I am becoming two of the things that I despise the most. I am a hypocrite for saying that I hate regret and I'll never do anything that I will one day regret. For I am doing it now. I am regretting not doing what I should have done. I am regretting not standing up for myself and finding my own path. And most of all, I regret becoming the person that I am today. I am being regretful.

I want to change my life, but I don't know how. I am trapped in time, locked up in my frozen clock. But whilst I remain here, the world moves on. Time flies. My frozen clock doesn't stop my aging process. I grow older by the day but I still remain rooted. I am at the same crossroad that I was at 2 years ago. And I feel as though this is the spot I will remain at for a long time to come.

I need to find a way out of my clock. Everyone else has moved their gears forward and I am the only one left stuck in reverse.